HOPE

My mother was beautiful, all my life I was fascinated with how beautiful she was.  We were only 20 years apart and, in the end, I realized we grew up together like sisters in some respects even though she was my mother, she had me young and was just trying to find her way through life.

I was super blessed to have my mother for almost 54 years, she was always healthy, strong, and fearless and even in the end of her life she fought to live.  So, the day I lost her, the life and wind was sucked out of me and as I look back most days after her immediate passing are just a blur and even now almost 18 months later, I find myself missing her more some days than others.

One morning I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw a post with the word HOPE and some one broke it out into acronyms. 

H-hold

O-on

P-pain

E-ends

I saved it to my camera roll and whenever I knew of someone hurting bad, I would send it to them.  Now funny is I was still hurting bad myself but, I learned to hang onto hope. I learned that with each day I had to trust God that the worst pain of my life would one day end.  Not the love I had for my Mom or missing her but the waking up and crying, the feeling of hopelessness.  I do not remember when I finally stopped waking up and crying or when I could share a story about her without falling apart but, I do remember that acronym by heart and I just want to encourage someone who has a broken heart for whatever reason to not give up because if you hold on pain does end, not in our prescribed timing but in God’s.

On kitchen table is the small sign in the blog picture, it is a daily reminder for me as I sip my coffee to never give up hope.